


Maybe he was learning what true happiness was after all. | Ballum

by chloe16



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Confidence, M/M, Self-Discovery, Sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 19:14:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20999936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chloe16/pseuds/chloe16
Summary: The build up to a Ballum date.





	Maybe he was learning what true happiness was after all. | Ballum

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write a short, little, soft Ballum scene from Callum’s perspective ☺️ I hope you enjoy!

Callum had never experienced true happiness before. 

With Whitney, he felt comfortable and secure. He tricked himself into thinking what he was feeling _was_ happiness, because he knew what he had - a job, a flat, and a fiancé - was what many could only dream of having. Yet a heavy sadness would creep up on him most nights, a sadness that could usually be blocked out by him wrapping his arm tighter around Whitney, leaving him feeling nothing at all. Until that sadness became too heavy to continue concealing, and it revealed itself to none other than _Ben Mitchell._ With his dad and brother, he was surrounded by toxic masculinity and grew up in fear. That fear never left him when he moved away. The hate-fuelled slurs Jonno constantly spat out replayed themselves in Callum’s head before every personal decision he made. 

But someone else’s words began to play louder in his mind, until they completely drowned out the bad. Like sinking further and further towards the bottom of the ocean, all senses becoming clouded and a darkness taking over, and then being pulled back up to the surface just before water filled the lungs and the tides won, being brought back to the light and given another chance. He almost lost his hold on the arms dragging him back to the surface; he almost gave in and accepted his fate. But Ben didn’t let that happen. Ben showed him what life could be like - each look, each conversation, each shared moment pushing Callum closer and closer to his truth. And it was _terrifying._ Change is terrifying. His whole life had suddenly been rewritten and flipped on its head, becoming the centre of everyone’s gossip and the reason behind everyone’s stares. Not being able to hide in the background anymore. But with the bad comes the good, and this good was better than anything he’d ever had before. Those intimate moments with Ben, starting with that night in the park, made him feel alive. He felt like he was glowing as bright as neon lights, blood running through his veins and adrenaline making him go slightly light-headed as he was overcome with pleasure and desperation and relief. The emotional connection he formed that night made him feel different, _understood._

And then life carried on in the unpredictable way it does. Callum told Whitney about him and Ben, she called off the wedding, Ben got shot, everyone worked out that there was something between him and Ben, Stuart interfered as he does best, he saved Bobby, he kissed Ben, him and Ben had a non-existent date _and_ a bad date, he came out officially in the pub, he stood up to his dad, and he kissed Ben again in front of everyone - to cut a long story short. 

All of that brings him to where he is right now, trying to muster up the energy to turn over in bed and turn off his alarm. There was a pleasant and still calmness about this time of the morning, before Stuart and Rainie were up, so he could just lie there and listen to the Square slowly start to wake up. He grabbed his phone and rolled over again onto his back.

_: Fancy doing something later? :_

He couldn’t help but smile. A real, genuine smile. The same smile he had after officially coming out and being able to walk through the market as the true Callum Highway. He still couldn’t get over how one message could make him fill with warmth and content.

**Maybe he was learning what true happiness was after all.**


End file.
